The everyday wine guys keys to surviving the quarantine.
You’re going to need wine. Lots of wine. And luckily if you live in the tri-state area, liquor/wine stores have been deemed “essential.” Yes, you’re right Governor Cuomo, it is an essential. You know Cuomo, when you see this; you and I were on difficult terms. You goddamn named the bridge after your father. You’ve got some balls, it’s the goddamn Tappan Zee Bridge motha f-er. But otherwise, thanks for keeping the liquor stores open!
I digress. Back to essentials. Wine. You’re going to want at least 5 bottles of red, 3 whites, and 5 Rosés. Why Rosés in the very beginning of spring? Well I’ll tell you why… We need to find some celebration during these difficult times and there is no better way to celebrate than with a bottle of Rosé. What are you celebrating you may ask? Whelp, you got out of bed this morning, a bird flew by the window, or your Tiger King outfit came in the mail…. I’m sure you’ll find something to celebrate!
There’s nothing like cracking open a bottle of Rosé, and facetiming your favorite betch, to talk about all the filth you’ve come to appreciate while you’ve been cooped up in your 800 square foot home. And yes, my brother Brandon is that betch. Always has been and always will be. Not sorry.
Find your betch, cue up some facetime laughs and drink your cabin fever away. Now those 13 bottles of wine should last you at least 6 days. What are our other essentials you may ask? You’ll want at least two – 1000 piece puzzles, brownies (lots of brownies), dark chocolate, lots of pepto bismol, Husk, and finally frozen chicken nuggets. These are your essentials. Anything after this is just a luxury. I ran out of TP after day 3. Currently accepting donations.
This was written on day one of quarantine and looking back now on day 9; I stand by everything I said. This is all correct. Only other thing that’s changed is ya mans daily routine. Wake up, pushups, eat breakfast, pushups, realign chi pushups, work, pushups, wine, pushups…. And so on and so on. Ya mans feels like he’s up in prison in this bitch!
Stay safe out there wine Fam!